Engaging Preteens to Grow as Disciples

8/09/23

The preteen years - 10, 11, 12 years old are some of the most awkward years for a young person. Change is swirling around them. Preteens are trying to find their place in the big wide world beyond the childhood bubble. They have partly moved on from childhood, or maybe childish things, but they’re not mature enough - physically, emotionally, mentally, and socially - to be a teenager. One minute they think they are ready to move out of home, the next moment all they want to do is cuddle on the lounge watching a Disney movie. Dan Scott in Caught in Between says the following:

Preteen kids are a bundle of paradoxes:

·        Complex and simple;

·        Curious and naive;

·        Abstract and concrete; and

·        Physically maturing and acting immature[1].

While they are a bundle of paradoxes, our hopes and dreams for preteens is just the same as it is for all people. We want to present all people, preteens included, fully mature in Christ (Colossians 1:28). However, often we find it difficult to engage them in our church ministry groups and programs. What can we do to help engage preteens in our ministry groups?

1)    See them like God sees them

We can see preteens like God sees them. Preteens often feel like they don’t quite belong, they care what others think, they go along with the crowd even when they know it’s wrong. But if we see them like God sees them, we will:

·       see that they are made in the image of God;

·       tell her that she is good enough;

·       tell him that he is smart enough;

·       tell them that they are strong enough, important enough, valued enough; and

·       see that they are a precious child who God loves and wants to be in relationship with.

2)    When we see preteens as God sees them, we are setting them up to be fully engaged in our ministry and grow as disciples of Jesus. Our churches may be the only places they will hear this.  Teach in a way that connects with them

As we teach the Bible to preteens, we need to connect the Bible to their real-world experience. Preteens really care if what they are learning actually matters when they go home after your group or go to school on Monday morning. Personally, I haven’t found anything in the Bible that can’t be illustrated with a story about the school playground. Preteens can understand anger, sin, grace, forgiveness, kindness, jealousy and so much more because this is their experience in the playground at school. Tell a story about how Jesus forgiving those who hurt him shows us how to treat people at lunch time at school. See this article for more on making connections.

3)    Encourage questions

Mentally, preteens are beginning to make connections between the different ideas that they have been taught growing up. They are now starting to see how two different pieces of knowledge or experience might be related to each other. So encourage their questions and help them make these connections.

·       Help them to think, “If this is true, how does it relate to…?”

·       Ask them lots of, “So what?” questions.

·       Follow rabbit holes that they want to go down. It might not be what you had prepared to talk about, but they are trying to join the dots in what they are learning.

As you do this, you will need to give space for the wrestle. Preteens need to be in the fight. It’s not just about the answers. It is about the journey. Affirm the journey. Help them struggle. Help them to know where to find answers. Answers are important, but the journey matters just as much.

4)    Think about how to make it cool to be the oldest kids in the group

Often preteens feel too cool if they’re in a group with younger kids. We rightly make our groups accessible for all and this regularly means that we pitch young so that the younger children are engaged. If we treat a preteen the same as the year 2 kids, they will check out. Think about what you can do to make it cool to be an older kid in the group.

·       Meet with preteens in an area that is usually off limits.

·       Work with them to plan the program for a week each term.

·       Give preteens special resources like journals or bags for small group.

·       Let preteens have a party in their group.

5)    Keep groups together

Relationships and friendships really matter for this group. Preteens are figuring out who their friends are, and who their friends aren’t. Being left out hurts, a lot. But being welcomed and celebrated feels amazing. Keeping kids together as much as we can so that strong and deep relationships with one another will go a long way to keeping them engaged in our groups. Do what you can to keep kids together in groups and help them have a real sense of identity and belonging together. This is particularly important in the years before and after significant transitions, whether between primary and high school, or between ministry groups in your church.

6)    Create shared memories

Creating memories and a shared history can have a large impact on the lives of kids and can help bind them together with one another. I often encourage leaders of year 5-6 groups to do something special with their group. Alongside time in the Bible, what are the other things that you can do to create a shared history amongst the group? Have a birthday party week once a term to celebrate the kids who had a birthday recently. Make shirts. Play a game that the kids love but you can’t play with younger kids. Go to camp or have a sleepover.

As we minister with and alongside our preteens, we want to see them engaged in or ministry programs and groups, building strong relationships with one another, finding a place that is safe and where they feel like they belong. All of this with the goal of growing disciples.

[1] Dan Scott, Caught in Between, The ReThink Group, 2018, p. 18.