Cultivating an Intergenerational Heart

23/08/23

One of the principles of effective Children’s Ministry is that the children in our church are embedded within the rich relational life of the intergenerational body of Christ in our local gathering. While the practice of intergeneration in a local church does not necessarily mean that children have to be present in the main worship service, this is one way in which many churches seek to bring generations together.

It was this situation of having children in the main church service that prompted a recent question from a friend of mine.

Here was the question (slightly edited for brevity):

How do you help the rest of the church who are not used to kids being in the main service? I'm not used to it and have a much harder time not being distracted by, the noise of small children in the main meeting. How would you encourage or nudge people who are in my position to persevere and love having kids in the main meeting?

I love this question! And I love the heart with which the question is being asked. As a single, young adult, my friend does not have children as a constant presence in their life. They’re not used to the buzz of children around them. However, they are looking to grow in their welcome of children in the main service. I would love more and more teenagers and adults to be asking this question with this same heart.

How might we answer this question?

What caught my attention is how my friend was getting "distracted by the noise of small children." This causes me to ask a foundational question before we get to some specific suggestions for cultivating an intergenerational heart.

Here's what I'm wondering: What is church for? More specifically, what is the main service for? To put it another way, when the noise of children catches our attention, what are we getting distracted from?

The tradition that both I and my friend are in could be called “low church evangelical”. We’re in Anglican churches, but ones with less emphasis on formal Prayer Book liturgy and more on singing, prayers, Bible reading, and a priority on the preached word. In these church traditions, I believe that there are common assumptions about the purpose of church which are lying behind my friend’s question.

Firstly, we assume that the main gathering is for growing in faith, and secondly, that faith development is primarily cognitive. If I’m not being cognitively stimulated by the songs, the prayers, and especially the sermon, then church has not been “successful” (i.e., not met its purpose) for me.

When the songs are not theological enough, when the prayers are too shopping-list-ish, or I lose track of the preacher’s words because of a distraction like children making noise, these things have gotten in my way of church fulfilling its purpose in forming me as a disciple of Christ.

If the purpose of church is primarily about me growing in faith and that faith is primarily grown through cognitive means, then yes, children are going to be a distraction. For the sake of my spiritual development, it makes sense to remove children from the main service, whether to the parent room, the foyer, or to their own age-specialised ministry groups where they can also engage in faith development according to cognitive development.

However, I am wondering whether our cognitive faith development is the primary purpose of gathering as the people of God in the main service. (I’m not saying that this is unimportant. We are called to love God with all our minds. I am wondering if this is what the main church service is for?)

Rather, I wonder whether the celebration of being the diverse people of God (all age, all ethnicity, all stage of life, etc.) might be a driving purpose. And if this is the case, then might the presence of children and babies (as well as adults with complex additional needs) who cannot understand all the words of the service, and make noise throughout, be an advantage to the gathering, rather than a deficit?

I wonder whether a primary focus on the cognitive aspect of our faith formation might be an imbalance in our corporate gatherings. Might there be other aspects of our faith formation (e.g., fruits of the Spirit, love of God and love of others, bearing with each other’s burdens) that we could bring to the fore as we come together as the Church?

I wonder if the noise of children in our midst, rather than being a distraction to my growth as a disciple of Jesus, may in fact be God providing the means of growth through the sharing in the life—both the joys and burdens—of that child and their family.

With this reframing of the purpose of church in mind, how might we welcome children in the main gathering? How might my friend–and the rest of us– grow in our perseverance and love of having children in the service?

• Have the Service Leader or Senior Pastor specifically include children in their welcome from the front. A clear welcome of children from the leadership of the church gives the children a deeper sense of belonging and also shapes the expectations of all the other teenagers and adults in the space.

• When you hear a child make noise, pause and thank God that there are children in your church. As another friend quipped to me recently, noise-less churches are dying churches.

• Instead of thinking about what you’re being distracted from think about what you are being refocused to; this child, this family, this fellow disciple of Jesus who is a member of your local gathering of God’s people.

• If the child is a toddler or older, show them genuine attention before, during and after the service just as you would those in the service who are your friends and peers. Greet children by name, offer them a high-five, and ask them what they have done this week or about the toy they are holding.

• During the service, if you catch the eye of the parent/caregiver, give them a huge, genuine smile that shows that they are welcome and you are glad that they and their child are in the service.

• After the service, make a beeline for that family and thank them for being in church. Thank them that their child is part of the family of God and that their presence in the service reminds you of Jesus’ love and inclusion of even the very young children.

Do you find the presence of children distracting in church? Children are inherently disruptive and distracting when adults are trying to focus. And there will be times when it is appropriate for adults to cognitively engage in growing in their knowledge of Christ, as there are times for four-year-olds and fourteen-year-olds to have age-sensitive, cognitive, faith development.

But if the purpose of church is as much a celebration of the diverse people of God in your local context, as it is about cognitive engagement, then perhaps the presence and intentional welcome of children into our midst—with all of their noise, distraction and disruption—may be growing us as disciples in Jesus, more than we first imagine.

You can hear Tim Beilharz talk about this topic on episode 30 of Youthworks’ Effective Ministry Podcast. Listen to this episode and more on Spotify, Apple Podcasts or your favourite podcasting app.