How does a leader turn up well?

Five ways all leaders need to turn up in the lives of the kids and youth they lead.

When I first turned up as a leader, I had no idea what to do.  I was sixteen years old when I was asked to lead a new Friday afternoon weekly kids club.  I was nervous, but excited to help give the children a great time and teach them from the Bible.  There was no formal leadership training.  I learned to lead by watching what the other leaders did, and imitating leaders whom I had seen when I was a child.

Looking back at my own spiritual journey from childhood, there were a few leaders who were incredibly significant in my spiritual growth.  Some day in eternity I hope to find and tell them how influential they were helping me follow Jesus.  I am in their debt.  They were to me like Paul was among the Thessalonians,

“We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us.”      1 Thessalonians 2:8

Now that I’ve been in children’s ministry for a few decades, I’ve seen hundreds of people try their hand at leading.  Some have been incredibly influential. 

How do we become influential leaders whom God uses to help children follow Jesus? 

It is well worth thinking through what it means to turn up each week to our ministry.  Each week, how do we turn up well? 

1.     Turn up physically.  This is fundamental.  You can’t minister to the children unless you’re actually there.  The most important way that any leader can turn up is to be there. When I think back to the leaders who led the groups which I attended, I only remember those who were there (with the exception of one guy who had a very impressive afro and the nickname “Sponge”!  I only remember him for his fantastic hair.)  Leaders of great influence turn up.  In fact, the expectation is that when we sign up to lead, we will be there reliably, on time, every week, unless there’s an important reason why we can’t (such as sickness.)  Physically turning up is the most important way that a leader turns up.

2.     Turn up mentally.  It doesn’t take much experience in a team before you see a leader who doesn’t know what they are doing because they haven’t prepared.  Or perhaps they are so tired that they might as well not be there. Children won’t learn from leaders who don’t know what they’re teaching. 

Turning up mentally means that you are ‘switched on’.  You’ve prepared anything that you’re responsible for in advance, whether that is the lesson, an activity or your small group.  You know what you need to do and you’ve thought about how you will do it.  You are mentally prepared and engaged.  And that means that you’ve made good choices and haven’t stayed up until 4am binging Netflix the night before.

Be present physically and be present mentally.

3.     Turn up relationally.  This is so obvious that it’s easy to miss, and I missed this for years.  I thought that ministry was about a job to do, and a set of tasks.  I prepared, turned up, ran games, led activities, taught the Bible, led a prayer time and left.  I clocked on, did my job, and clocked off.

Then, a wise assistant minister pulled me aside and asked which children in the group I was praying for regularly?  That was an uncomfortable question.  I wasn’t praying for any of them.  I realised that I didn’t see my ministry in terms of people but in terms of tasks. 

The problem with this way of thinking is that it forgets that children’s ministry is all about children becoming disciples.  Our prayer is that they become active, strong followers of Christ. They will have lots of questions about what following Jesus looks like at school, at home, on the soccer field, in their future, when it’s hard and when it’s easy.  And they will only ask these important questions when they feel safe to ask them.  They feel safe when they know that their leader cares for them and wants to help them.  Making disciples happens in the context of trusted relationships.  Relationships take time (so physically turn up!), persistence and patience (so turn up mentally) and love.

And after your program has finished for the week, you wind down, but you don’t entirely switch off from your children relationally.  You know their birthdays; maybe you send them a personal card.  You know if they have an important event coming up.  As you prepare for the next week, you might think about how each one will be challenged by this passage and pray for them.  You think of these children as ‘your kids’, and you care for them.  When Paul wrote to the Thessalonians, he was not present physically, but he was heavily invested relationally: “We always thank God for all of you, mentioning you in our prayers.”  1 Thessalonians 1:2

Turn up physically, mentally and relationally.

4.     Turn up spiritually.   Your role is to help children grow in their knowledge and love of Christ and to follow him.  So, are you growing in your knowledge and love of Christ as you follow him?  Children are experts in spotting fakes.  They want to know that you can talk the talk and walk the walk.

Turning up spiritually is about taking responsibility for your own spiritual health and feeding yourself well spiritually.  Be regular at church and youth group / bible study group, and in your own reading and praying.  If a leader stops feeding themselves with God’s word, then love for God and thankfulness for Jesus soon wanes as does their desire to minister.

However, if you feed yourself well from God’s word, you grow in knowledge, love, hope and joy.  You delight in serving because Christ served you.  Your discipleship has integrity.  And because you’ve immersed yourself in the word of God you are able to teach well: as Paul shared the gospel of God with the Thessalonians his love for Jesus overflowed in his words and in his manner.

I know of a number of leaders who began serving with joy and enthusiasm.  But sadly, they stopped attending bible study and church.  They kept serving for a while, but they began to resent the time and felt increasingly disconnected from other leaders.  Serving was no longer a joyful act of love; it was a resented act of duty.  Soon after they resigned and I never saw them again.  It’s important to turn up with spiritual integrity.

5.     Turn up randomly.  This is outside the box and is very powerful.  Perhaps a child has told you about their soccer grand final?  Maybe you could show up (with parent’s and ministry leader’s permission, of course).  What a thrill that would be for the child! 

My own children have been incredibly blessed by a few leaders who, at different times, have knocked on my front door to hand-deliver a thoughtfully chosen birthday present, with a card encouraging them to keep growing and trusting Jesus.  My children treasure these cards which stay on their bookshelves all year.  Such love and care from their leaders was way beyond what my wife and I expected.

The leaders who were the most influential in my spiritual journey turned up in these ways. How are you going to turn up this week?