Three principles and three skills for group management

Tracy loves Jesus. Tracy loves children. She is convicted of the importance of children’s ministry. The children’s minister at her church is convinced she would be a great leader and is talking to her about joining either the Kids Church team or the SRE team.

What’s holding Tracy back? The terrifying thought of standing in front of a group of children who are not listening or cooperating despite her best efforts.

It’s a valid fear. It takes skills and confidence to manage a group of children well. These often come with experience supplemented with training and support. Here’s what I would share with Tracy to make group management less scary.  

Principle 1: The aim of group management is to create a cooperative and safe space for learning.

Many of us have negative associations when the ‘D’ word is mentioned. ‘Discipline’ brings to mind punishment, the ‘naughty corner’ and bad feelings. That’s fair enough really because when it’s done thoughtlessly and to seek control, it does often go badly for all involved. That’s not what we want for our children’s programs or SRE classes. We want to create a cooperative and safe space where children can ask questions without embarrassment, discuss ideas, engage with new teaching from the Bible and see faith in action in the actions and words of the leader and others.

 Understanding that the aim of group management is this kind of positive learning space, frees us up to think creatively about what we could try to foster this beyond the strategy of ‘three strikes and you’re out’. It moves us from aiming for a negative goal, no messing up, to a positive one, a great place to learn. There is a place for clear expectations and consequences but there is also lots we can do before that to keep things on track.

 Skill: Clear expectations.

Setting up clear expectations is like building a good fence. Fences show the boundaries of the space to play and build in. Clear rules mean that children know what is expected and acceptable and what is not. The best rules are positively phrased, “We speak kindly” instead of “Don’t be rude”. They are explained in terms of mutual benefit and there are not too many.

 Principle 2: The style needs to match the message.

 We rightly focus on being accurate and faithful in our bible teaching. We need to keep getting that right while also remembering that the gospel message should also shape our words and actions. That means being thoughtful and gentle with children. Thoughtful of how they will experience us as a person. Are you very tall? You could  possibly be quite intimidating to small children. Are you always rushing and speaking quickly? That can possibly be quite overwhelming for some children.

 I had a child in one of my SRE classes a few years ago who really didn’t like one of the songs I played. It was a rhyming song that got faster and faster with each round. She found it stressful and thankfully was able to tell me so. We didn’t sing that song again.

 Another aspect of this is being generous. Being generous when children are restless, or shout out answers, or distract other children. I don’t mean that we completely ignore them but rather we respond with the assumption that they are trying. They might have an itchy knee and bother other children by jiggling about to scratch it. They might be so excited about a new idea that they just have to call out their answer.

 We can also be generous in listening to what each child wants to tell us, by remembering what they say and taking it seriously. Sometimes, children will be on your side from the moment you welcome them warmly by name and meeting their eyes with a smile.

 Skill: Waiting for silence

 Often teachers talk over the slowly decreasing chatter in the classroom. Waiting for silence seems to waste time. But it’s part of fostering the mutual respect of listening and being listened to. It creates a class culture where ‘we listen to each other’. You can supplement with hand signals (counting to five with your fingers, or hands on your head) but keep waiting for silence before you continue teaching.

 Principle 3: It’s all about preparation.

Sometimes it seems as if some people are just naturally talented at leading groups of children. But often, it’s a matter of gathering a collection of skills and strategies that suit you as a leader and being well prepared with your lesson.

 Watch other leaders; what works and what doesn’t? Read and research (there are books, articles, videos). Think about what will work for the children you are involved with. Often knowing their personalities will make a big difference.

 Skill: Use your physical presence

The best leaders and teachers don’t stand still at the front. They move around the room. Often, just standing near the child who is still chatting is enough to remind them to get back on track.

And pray! God delights to hear and answer our prayers as we seek to serve him. He helps us grow through the good and bad weeks.

 It is the highest privilege to serve in gospel ministry, whether it’s as a volunteer for one Sunday a month, as an SRE teacher or being in paid children’s ministry. We get to tell children about Jesus, and God chooses to use our efforts to grow his Kingdom. That joy can motivate people like Tracy to face the fear of group management.