Small Group Tips: ‘The Rule of Thirds”
Matt Bartlett is the Youth Ministry & High School SRE Advisor for the South Western region.
It’s Friday night and you’re at youth group after a busy week. You’re shuffling into the back room of church behind a group of jostling teenagers who’ve just spent the last 20 minutes sitting listening to a Bible talk. You drop a stack of tattered pew Bibles in the centre of the group and as everyone eventually takes their seat, you ask, “How’s everyone going?”. You get a couple of half-mumbled stories from the week before launching into the study time by asking: “So, what did you think of the talk?”
The next 25 minutes feels like you’re trying to push a boulder up a hill. As you work through your list of questions, you try to exude joy and interest to the group but feel like you’re constantly fighting. Fighting against that one dominant voice steering the conversation in whichever direction their curiosity takes them. Fighting for contribution beyond one-syllable answers no matter how much you drill for more. Fighting to maintain the interest of the few kids who are doing a bad job of hiding their phones behind their Bibles as they scroll through TikTok. You look at the clock and realise that you’ve already gone over time, so you mutter a quick prayer to finish before everyone bustles out of the room for supper, leaving you questioning— how much disciple-making actually just happened?
Sound familiar?
If that scenario hits close to home, you’re not alone. Many youth group leaders feel like this when they have fallen into the trap of focusing too much on one aspect of the group time. And this is at the expense of other equally important aspects of an effective small group time. If this is you, then adopting the Rule of Thirds can be a significant help.
What is the Rule of Thirds?
It’s a structure that balances relational growth, biblical engagement, and meaningful prayer— all of which are necessary for effective discipleship in small group time and a mindset that helps leaders to be intentional about those three important aspects of an effective small group.
If any one of these elements is missing or stunted, it ends up diminishing the whole package. But when we’re intentional in giving space to each of these vital elements, we’re doing our best to ensure that:
· Relational connections are made;
· God’s Word is the main focus, and
· Prayer is deeply integrated into the group culture.
Here’s a closer look at each part.
1. Relational Growth – The Oil That Makes the Machine Work
Building relationships in your small group isn’t just a nice bonus—it’s essential. You know that saying, “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care”? This sentiment is true in small groups. If you want your group members to trust you enough to engage in meaningful biblical conversation and share openly in prayer, they need to first feel comfortable with one another, and with you as their group leader. To achieve this, we need to intentionally include relational time. Here are a few ideas:
· Games — Why not spend time at the beginning of small group time playing a short game before launching into the questions and deliberately using that time to connect and build trust? A round of UNO or handball often goes a long way! Just make sure you don’t get so caught up in this every week that you forget the other elements!
· Sharing stories from the week — It’s important to catch up on the week that’s been, following up on important things that were shared the week before (e.g. “How did your exam go?” or “Is your dog feeling better?”). After all, isn’t that what friends do?
· Tell jokes — laughing together can be immensely impactful for developing a positive relational culture
· Food — Even a simple activity like eating together can create the kind of relaxed environment that makes everyone feel like part of the team.
This stuff isn’t fluff—it’s the oil that makes the engine run smoothly. People will be more open and more willing to share if they know their group is a place of genuine care where they feel safe, valued and as though they belong. So, don’t just dive straight into Bible study. Build a stronger foundation for Bible discussion by taking time connect relationally.
2. Biblical Engagement – The Heart of the Group
Without God’s Word, a small group is just a social club. Biblical engagement is crucial to a small group seeking to make disciples of Jesus. The most important aspect here is ensuring that they are actually engaging with the words of scripture, so we need to make sure those Bibles in the middle of the group circle are opened and that we are continually directing the group to what it says!
The goal here isn’t to get everyone’s opinion about a topic or to get them evaluating the talk. It’s not actually about answering questions at all— that’s shallow, and it often leads to disengagement, especially if the answers don’t feel meaningful. Too often in small groups we stop at the surface level once we have “the right answer”. It’s much more satisfactory for everyone when we push beyond the trite or superficial answers and get people to think more deeply about God’s character, His purposes, and how we are to live as His followers.
True biblical engagement means digging into the text. It’s about asking good questions which generate stimulating discussion, and which make the group wrestle with the meaning of the passage and reflect on how it applies to their lives. One good tool for effective bible discussion is to ask open-ended questions that invite reflection.
“What does this passage reveal about God?”
“How do you feel after hearing this teaching?”
“How will you strive to live differently because of what we just read?”
These questions encourage everyone to wrestle with what God is saying and the deeper implications of it for real life.
3. Sharing and Praying – Building a Culture of Meaningful Prayer
It’s easy to fall into the trap of saying, “Let me just quickly pray,” and rush through it. But when we do that, we miss a crucial opportunity for spiritual growth. Prayer is the engine room of a healthy small group. It should be a time for genuine sharing and meaningful connection with God— not just the box we tick at the end to signify group time is over.
To achieve effective sharing and praying in our group, first we need to make sure our group knows that prayer is not a “checklist” item. Too often, we simply ask, “What can I pray for?” and we get a list of surface-level requests that we tick off around the circle. Instead, encourage your group members to share about their genuine concerns. It also really helps to show them how to pray about matters that arise out of the passage we’ve just been studying together— try asking “So how does this passage direct us to pray?” or even pray for things throughout the discussion as they arise. You may even decide to flip things occasionally and prioritise prayer time as the first of the thirds.
A culture of meaningful prayer doesn’t happen overnight, but when you model and encourage it, it’s a beautiful part of a spiritually healthy group. However, when prayer is always forgotten and rushed, this communicates a message I’m sure we’d rather not affirm.
Bringing It All Together
If you’re asking yourself “How do I fit all this in every week while still giving enough time to bible study?” —don’t worry, the Rule of Thirds is not about fitting more into your time together. The idea is not to make sure you dedicate precisely 33.3% of your time to each of the activities, or even to make sure you give equal time every single week, as if when you follow the equation everything will work out perfectly! Rather, it’s a change of mindset. It’s intended to help you think through how to use whatever time you have in your group most effectively. It's all about being intentional in working towards making your group a place where members feel willing to engage, comfortable sharing, and more willing to pray with one another. This will happen as you give each “third” sufficient time to effectively improve your group.
The beauty of the Rule of Thirds is its simplicity. By giving attention to relational growth, biblical engagement, and meaningful prayer, you’ll start to build a small group that’s more than just a gathering—it’s a community that reflects the heart of Christ.
