Leading Well in Times of Change
Stories
Talking to a youth ministry colleague in Western Sydney about returning face to face, he reflected:
“We’ve got kids with social anxiety, so lockdown has been a dream for them.”
Those kids in his church always felt uneasy about being at youth, so youth online gave them an opportunity to engage on their own terms and made them feel comfortable. They’re anxious about returning to face-to-face youth ministry.
For other teenagers it’s different. They never struggled with youth. They love the social interaction, the discipleship moments and the gospel community. But habits form in as little as 21 days and lockdown has become a habit. They’ve become used to lockdown youth and they’re not sure if they’re ready to come back.
Some kids are longing to be back at youth, they’ve got the date etched in their mind and they’re pumped. But when they get in the room, something’s not quite right. They can’t articulate it, but they’ve changed during lockdown and so has the program and other people. But they didn’t change together. They feel the slightest sense of distance from the community.
And some kids will be completely unphased.
Coping with change is like a bucket being filled with water. There are small buckets and large buckets but with enough water every bucket will eventually overflow with water going everywhere. People can cope with different amounts of change depending on circumstances, timing, support from others and many other factors. But one thing is certain, the more change and the longer change goes on for, the more likely it is that things will spill over.
That spilling over might look like:
- disconnection or distancing from the youth community;
- greater volatility in interactions with others;
- talking behind others backs;
- more cliques;
- doubts and questions about faith; or
- disproportionate emotional responses
Whether you see these things on the surface or not, every young person is experiencing a lot of change right now. For some, it’s more change than they’ve ever known.
So how do we help young people navigate this change?
1) Remember the goal is discipleship.
You might see anxiety, sadness, withdrawal in young people. You’ll want to fix it. But the number one goal is discipleship.
The key question isn’t “How can I make them feel calm, happy and connected?” but rather “How can I help them find true peace, joy and friendship in Jesus and stay in him?”
The ultimate goal of youth ministry is that young people would know Jesus, cling to him and be profoundly shaped by him in everything – including the inner and outer trials they face through the massive change they are experiencing right now.
Practical Tip – Model discipleship responses to change. You could:
· share stories of how you have tried to respond to changes and difficulties keeping Jesus at the centre; or
· stop and pray with youth straight away when things arise, helping them look to Jesus as the one they need.
2) Remember discipleship is a wrestle.
Peter, Paul and Jesus all found discipleship challenging. Peter famously denied Jesus and had to go on a journey of restoration before becoming a pillar of the early church. Paul “pleaded” with God three times to take away the “thorn in his flesh” before he came to terms with his weakness. Even Jesus feared what was before him in the garden of Gethsemane and asked God to take the cup from him while always being willing to submit his own will to the will of his father.
Discipleship is a wrestle. Things make trusting Jesus hard. But if Peter, Paul and Jesus were afforded the grace to wrestle through their trust in the Father’s good commands and plans then we shouldn’t expect our young people to just flick a switch and perfectly trust Jesus in everything. Discipleship is, by definition, a wrestle, grappling with hardship, fear and uncertainty and yet trusting that God really does work for the good of those who love him.
Young people need us to stay committed to them as they wrestle through the things – like huge change – that make being Christian hard.
Practical Tip - Prepare yourself and your leaders not to be surprised when young people share their struggles or doubts but respond calmly and with compassion.
3) Remember the destination is certain.
I watched a lot of “Man vs Wild” in lockdown. Bear Grylls gets dropped into a remote wilderness area with nothing but a knife and a water bottle and has to make his way back to civilisation. And he always does one thing: He climbs to the highest point he can find and looks for his destination. Once he’s found the coastline, or a river valley – a destination to aim for, he sets out with certainty that he won’t be aimlessly wandering through the wilderness.
Many young people are experiencing more change than they ever have before. With change comes uncertainty and with uncertainty comes fear.
But even though everything else is uncertain, one thing that will never change is the reality of the Christian future. There will be a time where:
‘He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.’ Revelation 21:4
This is the certain and real future for those who pledge themselves to Christ.
Practical Tip - Talk all the time about heaven as if it is certain, real, wonderful and imminent.
· The moon looks huge when it’s close to the horizon. But much smaller when it’s dwarfed by the hugeness of space. Likewise, our current difficulties look much smaller when they are dwarfed by the enormity of the certain future of the gospel. When we talk up the goodness of that future, we put our current problems in perspective without minimising them.
Lastly for every two or three young people who are struggling with change as ministry returns face to face, there’ll also be a handful primed and ready to go. Could it be that they have been prepared for a time such as this with a gift of resilience for the sake of the whole body? How could you deploy them to care for and encourage others?