How to help new families feel welcome at church
People leading the service have a significant impact on how new families feel about being at church
This past weekend my family started at a new church for the first time. We were filled with nervous anticipation to find out what it would all be like. Who would we meet? How does the service work? What would the kids’ program be like? Would we fit in?
Driving home it occurred to me that starting at a new church is not something families do often. Yet, from the point of view of the church, it is something they hope does happen regularly. This made me ask the question: What are the factors that help new families feel comfortable and welcome when they arrive on our church doorstep?
As I reflected on our very positive experience, three factors stood out to me which significantly impact whether a family feels welcome when they come to our church:
Leading from the front
The people leading the service have a significant impact on how new families feel about being at church. The words they say and the way they lead the service plays a huge role in setting the culture and expectations for our gatherings. Their words can significantly help or hinder new families as they figure out how to fit into this community.
When a service leader proactively affirms that, “Little people are welcome in the service, even when they make a little noise from time to time”, it not only helps the parent feel less awkward when their toddler starts crying during the service, it also helps everyone know how to respond with compassion and understanding when things like this inevitably happen. Or when they directly address the teenagers in the room in a positive and friendly way, it affirms that church really is for them too.
This kind of warm, proactive service leading requires investment. Those who lead will require direction and training, modelling from the church leadership, and practise to get it right. It won’t just automatically happen, but it is an investment well worth making in order to build a culture of welcome towards all people in our church meetings.
The physical space
When a new family arrives at church for the first time, it’s like visiting someone’s house that they’ve never been to. They don’t yet know how to make their family dynamic work in this space and are nervousness about being in what is, for all intents and purposes, a foreign place filled with strangers.
Besides being quick to greet and help them connect with others, one thing we can do is to offer to take new families on a tour of the church building. This way they can see for themselves how the space works and begin to understand how they can exist within it. It will also communicate to each family member that this is their church, as much as anyone’s! And will help them begin to feel at home in the space.
Another important consideration is how morning tea (or its equivalent) happens. As a dad taking my young family to a new church for the first time, I certainly want to meet and talk with other adults over morning tea and to begin new relationships. My first duty, however, is to my family. To care for them well I need to be able to see them easily— to ensure they are getting along okay in this new place and know that they are safe and well. But if the physical space is set up in such a way that I can’t easily care for my kids, then it’s going to negatively impact my capacity to connect with other adults.
We can help parents by making sure morning tea (or its equivalent) happens in a space where all ages can be present together. That way parents can be confident to interact with other adults because they can still easily monitor and care for their kids. If this is impossible, then those who are connecting with new parents should seek to make it easier for them by going with them to a space where they can see their kids and care for them if need be.
Welcoming is more than a system
Most churches have a welcoming system. Usually, it begins with a smile and a “Welcome to church!” at the door, before showing them to their seat. Often, during the service, the minister will say something like, “If you’re new here, welcome! We’re so glad that you’re with us! Please fill in our information slip to let us know you’re here.” Then, in the week that follows, if they didn’t forget to fill in the slip, the newcomer will receive a phone call or email to help them know the next steps of becoming a member.
Systems like this are good, but they are not enough. We must remember that we’re doing more than data collection and processing— we’re welcoming real people into our church family.
For families coming to our church for the first time, relationship trumps logistics every time. This is especially true for kids and teenagers. They care very little about whether we have their phone number and email address on file. What they care about is whether they will feel good about the people there. Whether they will fit in, or not.
To help families ‘fit in’ we need to build a culture of welcome and open acceptance towards new people and gear our churches to be communities of embrace.
This happens through genuine relational moments, like investing in real conversations with both parents and children and remembering the names of each individual (which is where nametags help); or by actively helping families to feel safe in the space and able to envisage how they might continue to fit within the community, or by sharing significant moments and stories with each other—these are the things that really count for new families.
As an example, last weekend as I gathered my family together to head home after the first service at our new church, a girl about 12 years old came up and gave my 6-year-old son a high-five and said “Hope you had a good time, see-ya next week!” I can’t tell you how huge that was for my son, for me, and also the rest of our family. Her high-five expressed true welcome to us on a more profound level than any comment card system ever could. It gave us confidence that we would fit in and be loved in this community and made us look forward to coming back to be with them next week!
That young girl will probably never realise how much her genuine expression of friendliness to a little boy impacted us and on one level, that’s the whole point. She was simply being a member of a church community that is committed to developing a culture that welcomes and embraces everyone who comes through their doors.
There are many important theological and practical factors that families consider when moving to a new church. But to ensure that our churches are places where families feel welcome, comfortable, and confident about fitting in, then we would do well to consider how our churches can address the three factors above. Ask yourself the following questions:
How can our church train service leaders to promote a culture of welcome to people of all ages?
Can you adjust how you use physical space to help parents connect with other adults while overseeing their children?
How can you build a culture of welcome and embrace within our community and encourage members to invest in genuine relationship with new families?