Who Do You Think Knows God The Best?
09/06/23
“If Christianity was illegal, and you were charged with being a believer, would there be enough evidence to convict you?”.
This exhortation is often given in youth talks and sermons as a way of waking up the dormant faith of the listener, to convict us to align professed belief with concrete action, and to exhibit faithful Christian practices in our private lives, our households, our school or work, and out in the community.
While the framing of the question is intentionally adversarial, it is possible to achieve the same level of conviction within the immediacy of our daily relationships. Holly Catterton Allen brings this imagined scenario to the present moment in her PhD dissertation[1] and discusses it in her book Forming Resilient Children.[2] Allen asked her child interviewees a series of questions, including:
of all the people you know, who do you think knows God the best? and
what is it about that person that makes you think the person knows God?
I wonder who the children in your ministry, or the children in your household, would identify in answer to that first question. As both a parent and a ministry leader, I hope that the children in my spheres of influence would have me somewhere towards the top of their lists. But it is the second question that gives me pause, convicts me of my faith practices and challenges me in my relationship with these young people to align my professed beliefs with concrete action.
What would it be that children notice about you that leads them to think that you know God?
And as those committed to seeing children come to faith and grow in faith in our homes, churches and schools, what are the faith practices that would help these little ones to notice, understand and imbibe Christian faith for themselves?
Allen highlights four basic practices for those who, “Seek to nurture their children’s religious and spiritual development”[3].
1. Foster Christian faith conversation and discussion
We often hear that Christian faith is caught more than taught. While the intentional teaching of faith is essential (see next point), regular, ordinary, everyday life conversations that include God, his Word and his world, are a significant way in which children catch the importance of Christian faith.
Moses encourages Israel to impress God’s commandments on their children while they, “Sit at home… walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up”, (Deuteronomy 6:7). It is God-talk in the ordinariness of life that impresses upon our children that God is always present, always with us, and therefore always relevant. Such talk protects against a compartmentalised faith, where God only exists on Sunday morning, or in the first five minutes before a meal.
Hearing us speak positively and meaningfully about God as we go about the ordinariness of life is one way to show our children that we know God.
2. Participate with children in Christian faith practices
One of the things I remember about my childhood is that church attendance on the weekend was never questioned. Even on holidays, my parents would find a local church to gather with God’s people. Likewise, grace before meals and prayers at bedtime were just the assumed rhythms of our family life together.
At church, I could be confident our Sunday School Coordinator would share with us the two passions of his life; (i) this week’s Sheffield Wednesday results[4], and (ii) how much he loved and trusted Jesus and wanted us to love and trust Jesus too. Our leaders would read and pray with us, and join with us in understanding what the Bible had to say and how to live this out as disciples of Jesus today.
Children need to participate in explicit faith practices—reading, praying, church attendance, acts of service—in order to come to understand the rhythms of the Christian life. As we as parents and ministers lead children and join with them in this participation, we are providing the formal complement to the ad hoc conversations mentioned above.
3. Model a congruent Christian life before Children
Our Christian life with children must necessarily flow, first and foremost, out of our own personal knowledge, love and obedience to King Jesus. Our own faith practices are essential, which Moses makes clear in the opening of Deuteronomy 6. “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts.”
Before we lead children in the way of the Lord, we are to be taking our own faith and faith practices with the seriousness they deserve. And while of course the ‘purpose’ of these practices is our own growth as disciples of Jesus, they are significant in how children will answer the questions of who they know loves Jesus and how they know.
Children will notice our commitment to Jesus, or our lack of it. Whether we are visible in our own Bible reading and prayer, whether our character matches the fruits of the Spirit into which we are growing, whether we are quick to repent and ask for forgiveness when we inevitably fail to live to our convictions—each of these are on display to those we lead. A congruent Christian life—where personal practice matches public exhortation—is a powerful witness to our little ones.
4. Lead and parent lovingly yet firmly
Parenting styles—and by extension, leadership styles also—can be categorised according to two dimensions; high or low direction and high or low responsiveness[5]. Consistently, studies show that the most effective parenting style for nurturing children’s spiritual life is the “Authoritative” style, marked by high direction and high responsiveness.
“The warmth, love, responsiveness, and support of this parenting style, along with appropriate boundary setting, directive engagement, and discipline, offer a balanced approach to parenting that correlates with healthy social, achievement, and behavioural outcomes as well as spiritual outcomes.”[6]
Children need to know that they are unconditionally loved, and that there is a right and a wrong way to live, with consequences for wrong behaviour.[7] This balance of both high expectations and high loving support from both parents and leaders is what creates the best discipleship environment at home and in the church. Children will know that they are loved, and that those who love them hold them accountable for their actions.
What would it be that children notice about you that leads them to think that you know God?
Would it be your balancing of love and boundaries?
Would it be the consistency of your Christian life?
Would it be the way that you participate with children in the practices of faith?
Would it be the everyday discussions you have that centre on Jesus?
And if you—like me in the writing of this—have been convicted of your inconsistency in these matters; might the children that you lead know that you know God because of the way you rest in his forgiveness and grace. Ask for their forgiveness and grace, recommitting again to, “Fix our eyes on Jesus”, pursuing again to know, love and obey him together?
[1] Holly Catterton Allen, “A qualitative study exploring the similarities and differences of the spirituality of children in intergenerational and non-intergenerational Christian contexts” (PhD diss. Biola University, 2002).
[2] Holly Catterton Allen, Forming Resilient Children: The Role of Spiritual Formation for Healthy Development (Downers Grove, Ill.: IVP Academic, 2021).
[3] Allen, Forming Resilient Children, p.52. Allen uses the generic language of “religious and spiritual development” throughout. I have made small edits to Allen’s articulation of the four points to communicate the explicitly Christian faith formation of children.
[4] His beloved English football team, who at the time were playing in the Premier League.
[5] Cf. Allen, Forming Resilient Children, p.59-60 for fuller description and citations.
[6] Allen, Forming Resilient Children, p.61. Citing Sungwon Kim, “Parenting Styles and Children’s Spiritual Development,” in Nurturing Children’s Spirituality: Christian Perspectives and Best Practices, ed. Ally C. Allen (Eugene, OR: Cascade, 2008).
[7] Larry Crabb, Understanding People (Zondervan, 2013).
